Sandra Bragg

The Tumble Down the Mountain

2:31 PM

Before I hurt my knee back in April, I was doing such a great job with my health. I was getting lots of exercise in, 5 days a week of working out, if not more, if not multiple times a day. I was eating right and feeling great and finding it to be totally easy to do. I was motivated, excited and feeling amazing.

Then I hurt my knee. I tried to continue with my momentum but when it comes down to it, Crossfit and wanting to get better at Crossfit is what drives me to be better. And, while my knee has been healing, I’ve had to scale workouts so much, not because of skills but because of injury and it just hasn’t felt the same. While, I’ve still gone to Crossfit, I’ve definitely slacked and my eating, well….

Let’s just say being healthy is climbing a mountain and I’ve slid way far back down. Giving up is much easier than perseverance and in a lot of ways I gave up. I didn’t care. There was so much I couldn’t do and that just killed my motivation, killed my caring, killed all my good and hard work.

While Joseph and I were at the beach, I went for a walk on my own. There is something about the beach that is very therapeutic to me. Part of it is, I can connect to nature without bugs, but another part is that I enjoy the water and the breeze and the feel of sand between my toes. So, while Joseph and Emmy played in the waves, I went for a stroll.

Self-consciously, once I felt like I was far enough away from Joseph and Emmy, I started to try and jog. I hadn’t jogged since before I hurt my knee and if it was a big dud, I didn’t want to have to talk about it. And my breathing was on point, my knee felt fine and I jogged the better part of my mile and a half jaunt. I feel like that jog helped me rediscover the part of me that cares about being healthy and fit.

Sunday, Joseph let me steal the last beach morning run before we left and I took off with Zombie Run playing in my earbuds, an app I hadn’t used in I don’t even know how long. All in all, with walking and jogging, I pushed myself to do a 5K and it just all felt good (and a little bad, in that way that working out sometimes make you feel). I honestly could have cried because I felt good about being active in the first time in a long, long time.

So this is me, sharing my struggle, and my joy. I’m ready to head back up the mountain.

crossfit

Crossfit Regionals, Granite Games and Overcoming My Own Perceptions of My Abilities

3:00 PM

http://crossfitechelon.com/wod-0118/strength-quote/

When we went to the Mid Atlantic Crossfit Regionals a few months ago there was one girl that I really enjoyed watching. While I really love watching all of the athletes workout because they are absolutely amazing and inspiring there was one woman in particular that just really spoke to my soul. As expected, the athletes at regionals are chiseled and cut and they look the athlete part. They are not the normal mere mortals that do crossfit to live a healthier lifestyle. No, no, they are the individuals whose lives are dedicated to trying to become fittest on Earth.

And, this girl who just resonated with me, she was absolutely amazing and she wasn’t chiseled or cut. Not to say she wasn’t fit; girl could do legless rope climbs, strict muscle ups and placed top 3^rd on one of the more strenuous workouts of the weekend. And for someone like me, who isn’t a tiny little princess; who hasn’t figured out the “enjoy food and workout” balance yet, seeing a more “normal” body kill it was awesome. (Normal, of course, being a fully relative term)

http://www.fitnessquotesimg.com/quotes-images/crossfit-is-a-way-of-life-530852.jpg

What I really loved about this girl is that, no doubt, people would look at this regional athlete and without knowing better would make judgment calls about her or what they think she would be able to do, or her skills. And, I feel like because she was a tad bit thicker than your typical regionals athlete, she really showed me that what you look like, or what you might be carrying around with you does not dictate your skills or abilities.

Because, if I’m being honest, I think it’s easy to look at people and pigeonhole them into what they should be able to do depending on how they look. And, when that happens I feel like it’s a great disservice to that person. And, so I’m watching this girl, who isn’t shaped like a typical regional athlete and realizing that although she is FAR and AWAY more fit than me, there is no reason why I can’t endeavor and succeed with whatever I want to do, regardless of how I look or am shaped. And there is certainly no reason to put off trying and working on skills.

http://pinterest.com/pin/192669690282122846/

So, the past 5 weeks we’ve been doing the Granite Games and I signed up for the scaled division, because I am 100% a scaled athlete (and okay with that). And, I feel like my results really highlight the fact that you cannot look at a person and decide what they are able to do. You cannot write off someone’s potential. Because, what will happen is this normally shaped girl, who still struggles with gymnastic moves but refuses to give up on conquering them, will come in second for the scaled division at her box out of a great deal of very talented, and competitive athletes. This girl will stay top 3 on all the workouts except the last, because of those danged gymnastic moves, and even have a 1^st place finish in the workouts for her box. And while I may not know if I changed anyone's perceptions of my abilities, I certainly know I changed my own.

I may have a long way to go with some skills but I can’t be pigeonholed into expectations, not even by myself.

avocado

The Graham HolmBURGER

6:33 PM

advocare

Change Your Viewpoint, Change Your Life

3:30 PM

You know those before and after pictures? The ones where someone transformed from a surly looking overweight person to an ecstatic thin/skinny/fit person… Usually, these pictures are accompanied with some diet trend, or weight loss product, or a story of how that person finally hit their goal body composition.

But, let’s talk about what those pictures, and products and stories usually leave out. What I honestly consider to be a pretty important aspect of actually being able to lose weight and live healthier. Learning to love your body.

Hating your body is easy… You’re either too fat and need to go eat a salad, or you’re too skinny and need to eat a burger. You have stretch marks or cellulite, or GOD FORBID both and you should never dare to show those limbs/body parts. You can see your clavicles? Well, you must be anorexic! Fat arms? Better wear sleeves so as to keep from offending anyone. Hairy toes and dry feet, get thyself to the nail salon, you MONSTER.

There are hundreds of little ways in which people are inundated with their imperfections because other people think THEY are allowed to comment on your body, your appearance, your self worth. And it’s plain bullshit and I remember when I used to believe it.

In high school, my best friend was (and still is) a naturally thin girl (even after having ALL The cute babies). (And to be honest, I was surrounded by a bunch of naturally thin people or people who were hyper focused on things like their body fat percentage) And as a teenager it was far too easy to see why she was beautiful and tie FAR too much of that beauty into her weight. And me? I was a size 9-11, I weighed more than the other girls my age. I wasn’t fat, but you couldn’t convince me of that. And because I was “fat,” there was no way I could be as pretty, there was no way that I could be thought of attractive. And I tied so much of my weight into my self worth.

But the thing is, her being skinny didn’t make her beautiful. No. It’s one aspect of her body composition and she’s a simply amazing person and the sum of her parts is what makes her beautiful (inside and out). And what I didn’t realize in high school, and took me a long time to realize is that me being “fat” didn’t make me any less of a beautiful, wonderful and loving person.

But spending so much of my teenage years, judging myself and feeding into this belief that I wasn’t good enough because of my weight, because I didn’t conform into this ideal body size, it stuck with me for a long time. It fed into so many actions, it kept me from taking care of myself properly and it kept me from being able to love myself.

Ironically, it was at my heaviest that I learned to love myself. To not worry about other people when I finally started wearing shorts in public. To not give a damn if my arms might be considered “too fat” to wear sleeve less shirts. To dare to love myself, to treat myself right and to appreciate my body for what it is and capable of and to NOT focus on everything other people have taught me is wrong, and other people hate about themselves.

Largely because of crossfit and learning what my body is capable of, regardless of my size; partially because of seeking out more body positive influences; and also a lot of working on my outlook, I learned to love myself. Sure, some days are hard and I’m hard on myself. But every day I love myself.

And this loving myself? WOW has it changed so many aspects of my life. Because I love myself, I take far better love of myself. I work out consistently and I LOVE it. Working out consistently has encouraged me to eat healthier because I want to get better at crossfit. I also eat healthier to take better care of my body, to live a healthier life, to be the best me because I am absolutely WORTH it.

I am worth every single kind thought I can give myself. I am worth wearing what I want without worrying about any silly imperfections I might have. I am worth loving myself to the very core of my being. And so are you.

I talk to my friends and I hear how their tear themselves down; beautiful and amazing people, whose faults only stand out to them. Who can’t get past fears that someone might tear them down without realizing that THEY are tearing themselves down the most. Without realizing that when I look at them, I don’t see faults but their positives. And I want my friends, I want ALL of my friends to see what I see in them; to know how amazing and beautiful and strong and inspiring they are to me.

I never successfully lost a single pound until I learned to love myself. So, my before picture? It isn’t surly. I’m smiling because I love myself. I loved myself at 260 pounds. I loved myself at 240 (my weight in the pictures, which are also my Before pics for my 1st Advocare Challenge). And, I love myself now. Because my weight is not my self worth. It’s a number. And my wanting to lose weight is not an indication that I don’t love myself. It’s a natural result of loving myself and wanting to treat myself the absolute very best that I can.

Love yourself.

It will change your life and you won’t regret it.

breakfast

Chocolate Peanut Butter Overnight Oats

6:08 PM

How an Accident Can't Stop a Crossfit Addict

10:54 AM

Last Tuesday I partially dislocated and sprained my knee at crossfit. I’ve been reluctant to discuss this because I know that people’s minds will jump to “crossfit is dangerous; it isn’t safe.” But the reality is, I’ve hurt myself running, I’ve hurt myself dancing, I hurt myself in 4^th grade at the skating rink when someone ran into me. Accidents happen and they are a byproduct of living. At the end of the day, what happened to my knee was a freak occurrence and it hasn’t swayed my love of crossfit in the least… so moving on:

Last Wednesday, like a good little patient, I went to the doctor to get my knee checked out. It was swollen, but not terribly, the pain had subsided a great deal but, I just wanted to make sure that I was okay. I guess, what I had really been hoping I would hear is “go home, rest, ice and elevate and you’ll be better in no time.” However, that wasn’t my reality.

Instead, because my knee is partially dislocated, my patella isn’t in the correct spot, I mean, it practically is, but not fully. So, the doctor gave me a brace to wear for the next 4-6 weeks and hopefully the next time I get x-rays done, my patella will be back in line.

When the doctor first told me that I’d be in a brace for 6 weeks, I was extremely bummed. I mean, I love crossfit and he just told me no running, jumping, squatting. Really, no intense motion or activity for my knee for a month and a half. Crossfit is mainly comprised of all those movements. Half of our lifts involve a squat of some kind, and running? That’s a main kind of cardio. And all I could think of was all the ways in which I wasn’t allowed to use my knee for the next 4-6 weeks. I was bummed, beyond bummed. I was, honestly, trying not to start crying.

It took a couple of days. Really, it took until my next crossfit workout (that following Friday) for my attitude to get a shift. While there was a portion of the workout I couldn’t do, I scaled it to the ability of my injury and I still got a really great workout. Duh, one of the best things about crossfit is that it is scalable for anyone. It is a fully inclusive sport, after all. And then I realized that sure, there is a lot I cannot do at the moment… But, imagine for a minute if I had torn a ligament and had needed surgery. That would have been a financial burden that would have weighed heavily on me. I definitely wouldn’t be looking at a 4-6 week healing time frame and I wouldn’t have been back at crossfit a mere 3 days later.

And, it’s only been a week so I have no doubt that there will be many times I will feel major frustration for not being able to participate normally, or getting to work on some of my favorite lifts. But, I could have needed surgery, I could have needed to stop crossfitting altogether for a while, and I didn’t. And for that I need to be ecstatic.

For the record there is still a lot you can do with one leg out of commission:

Rowing one legged
Pistols on your good side
Muscle hang cleans
Pull ups
L sits
Dips
Ring Rows
Dumbbell Rows
Jumping Rope on one foot
Bench Press
Strict Press
Sit Ups
Push Ups
Planks

So, now I’m just praying that the brace does its job, the swelling goes down and in a month, or so, I’m cleared to go back to life normally. And crossfitting, all the while, because what crossfit has done for my life has so magnificently over shadowed one accident.

Meal Planning!

11:35 AM

adulating

Inspire

3:04 PM

I’ve seen this trend over the last couple of years of choosing a word to focus on for the new year instead of a specific resolution. My dear friend brought it up this year and it got me thinking about what word I would choose.

Last year, although I didn’t specifically choose a word or set out to embrace any one idea, in hindsight the word is sort of obvious. “Self” is the word that best highlighted the changes I made last year. For a long time I didn’t treat myself right, I didn’t love myself right and I didn’t put in the time to take care of myself. So last year, I tried new things, I pampered myself, and I worked on loving myself for who I was in the moment and not who I used to be or who I wished I could be. Although on the surface “self” can seem like a selfish idea, I think it was a really important thing for me to focus on because I’m more than a wife or a mother and I needed to focus on myself to find out who I was becoming.

This year, after a lot of consideration on the things I love and care about, I decided that I really wanted to focus on the word “inspire”. I know that I struggle with the idea and want of “keeping up with the Joneses”. This is a dangerous rabbit hole to go down for so many reasons but namely because it is driven by jealousy. I don’t want to be driven by jealousy. But, if you change the focus and focus on those who inspire you and not those who you are jealous of, you flip the perception.

I want my focus on to be on those things and people that inspire me. As I’ve thought about this word, and thought about the inspiration in my life, I realized one pretty neat fact and that is that I don’t need to go far to look for inspiration. One thing I dedicate a lot of time too and care a lot about is crossfit and in my box there are many fierce females that inspire me in so many different ways. (The guys are awesome too but females just tend to inspire me more.)

Additionally, I want to look at my own actions and see how I can change them so that I’m not a negative person, so that I don’t evoke negative aspects in others and perhaps share a little inspiration. I don’t plan on going out of my way to inspire, but I do plan to dedicate my words and actions to more positivity so that I don’t demotivate others.

Last year had so many amazing points and I learned and changed so much by focusing on “self” so I can’t wait to see how my perspective changes and what else changes by focusing on inspiration and not jealousy.

books

The Giant List of Classics to Read

3:30 PM

advocare

Inspiration (Advo)Nation

3:00 AM

It was in September when Joseph and I tried our first Advocare Challenge. To put it simply, we were both depressed, overweight and feeling lost, so when our box held a challenge, we jumped in. Speaking for myself, I lost 12 pounds, 10 inches, was feeling good, happy, and focused and looking great, all in the span of 24 days. So, when Joseph decided he wanted to take this on in a more professional capacity, I felt good about it because I saw firsthand how wonderful this company changed my life.

This past weekend, we went to Advocare’s Atlanta Advonation. It was a day long conference with training, stories and giveaways (where that sucker brother of mine, Stephen won a year’s worth of spark. No, I’m not jealous at all…. ). We learned a lot of interesting things that we didn’t know before. One portion of the day had Dr. Dudrick (the man credited with creating feeding IV) doing a question and answer, and he was a spicy man with a fun sense of humor. He did a great job of representing the science and knowledge that goes behind the different products Advocare creates.

But, what really hit home for me were the stories of the individuals whose lives have been changed by Advocare. One woman, who found the product at 250 pounds, who has lost half her body weight and is super gorgeous just resonated with me. Then there was the man, who on his vacation, left the same day he arrived when he couldn’t fit in the rides, but then a year later, after using the product, went back and rode all the rides. The wife, who felt unlovable and unattractive and lost until she trusted the product and lost 30lbs, found her intimacy with her husband again and created a stronger marriage. These people, their stories, they resonated with me, they made me cry and I saw myself in them, and I understood the hope they had found, and the hope they had held onto.

And what I love about the first woman I mentioned, Ann, was what she said at the end of sharing her story when she had first started. Because she had a lot of weight to lose, and clearly her story wasn’t over after 1 challenge, or 2 challenges was “While I am still on my journey, come see me next year and I bet you won’t recognize me.” And that hit home so hard. Because for the first time in my life, I feel confident in that statement. Because, Joseph and I have been doing this for a few months now and we haven’t gained all the weight back, in fact during the holiday’s he lost and I held steady.

I know the struggle to lose weight, to not feel comfortable in your own skin, to feel like a failure, to not understand why food has to be such a fight every single meal. I understand. It’s hard. It’s an addiction you cannot avoid. It can beat you down and it can make you feel worthless, this inability to just eat right and be healthy.

So Saturday was great. We learned a lot. We had fun. Some of us won prizes. But, I was reminded that I’m not alone in this struggle to be healthy and that I am using the best tools and surrounded by some of the best people possible.

You will not recognize me in a year.

advocare

Menu Planning Deliciousness

10:52 AM

food

Meal Planning 1/4

3:30 PM

adulting

Couple's Counseling

3:30 PM

Am I the only one who can only think of bad and negative things when the words "couple's counseling" are echoed? It is something that seems to instantly bring these feelings of dread and doom. Sure, you hear about people going to couple's counseling, in retrospect once it has all fallen apart and it "didn't work." So, when I told Joseph I thought we needed to go, it was really terrifying and even more terrifying when he agreed that it would be a good idea.

I was filled with this fear that couple's counseling was simply the beginning of the end for us. Even though we love each other and get along great and are committed. Because couple's counseling just seems to = the end.

When we decided we needed to go to counseling, there was no end in sight. Rather, we were two people who got along fantastically but were utterly terrible at heated conflict. We are as opposite as possible when it comes to how we settle arguments/conflict/hurt and upset. And, while, for the most part it did not impact our relationship, on rare occasions, these differences caused our arguments to blow up.

We've been going every week for about two months now. There has been a strong focus on learning how we each handle conflict, how to approach that in constructive ways and how to effectively and constrictively communicate in disagreements. It's amazing to me how being more conscience of word choice can drastically change the tone of a conversation.

Through counseling, I think it has only cemented for us how deeply committed we are to each other. I love Joseph, and I love him enough to try to learn how to be more communicative in ways that resonate with him, and the same goes for him. We leave each session and we discuss what we've learned and covered and how it surprised us. Counseling wasn't necessary to "save" our marriage because we weren't toeing the line of divorce. But, for us, it was necessary to help us work on our communication, which is an important foundation of any good relationship.

Couple's counseling is one of those dirty little secret things that no one talks about, even though it is something that, if talked about could help others. So, know, that couple's counseling doesn't have to be bad, or lead to the end. In fact it can be quite the opposite. It can help to grow a relationship, give deeper and greater understanding into your partner, and a greater appreciation for the work required for a long lasting relationship.

advocare

Spiralize Everything

3:29 PM

advocare

24 Day Advocare Challenge Food We've Been Eating

5:31 PM

Joseph, sometimes, amuses me without meaning too. Like when he says “You don’t have enough on your blog and you need to share more about what we’ve been eating.” He can be a bossy one considering it’s not his blog.

But, in all reality, we’ve been doing this 24 day Advocare Challenge (Joseph actually signed up to be a distributor) and it’s been a big hit. In all unusualness, we did this challenge because Joseph wanted to do it. He pretty much follows any dietary whim I want to go on, so when he requested we do it, I knew I had to support him this time.

It has been an interesting experience and it is like I told Joseph today, “That hopeful and accomplished feeling you get when you first start eating well hasn’t left even though we are over 3 weeks in.” That’s a big deal because our challenge ends in a few days and my number 1 goal isn’t to dive into chocolate, which is usually how I feel after any other (food related/eating well) challenge. As someone who struggles with diet and getting to a healthy weight, that’s a big deal for me. This challenge has also provided us with supplements that suppress our appetite, which, big surprise and shock to me, actually work. I’m not craving food between meals, I’m not unbearably hungry and I’m not feeling like a slave to food.

So, I say all that to say that because I chose to support Joseph, we’ve tried an interesting challenge and since he was right about that, he is probably right about me sharing what we have been eating. You are going to see 2 patterns 1: I repeat the same breakfast a lot. I’m not a breakfast person and I honestly couldn’t care less. And 2: We eat leftovers for lunch ALL THE TIME. But it works for us.

Day 1: B- Chorizo Hash w/ Scrambled Eggs & Watermelon, S1- Banana, L- Chili with Broccoli, S2- Carrots & Hummus, D- Spaghetti Squash with Sauce & Meatballs, S3 – Larabar
Day 2: B – Meal Replacement Shake (which actually keeps me full until after my morning work out), S1- 2 Meatballs, L- Spaghetti Squash topped with Chili, S2- Banana, D- Foil Pack Lemon Chicken with Potatoes & Asparagus, S3- Larabar
Day 3: B- Skillet Potatoes, 1 piece of Bacon, Scrambled Eggs with Spinach and Pico de Gallo, S1- Banana, L- Foil Pack Chicken & Potatoes, S2- Meatballs, D- White Chicken Chili, S3- Larabar
Day 4: B- Skillet Potatoes, Bacon, Scrambled Eggs with Spinach & Pico de Gallo, S1- Banana, L- White Chicken Chili, S2- Meatballs, D- Ranch Chicken Burgers with Wing Sauce Potatoes, Watermelon & Salad, S3 – Larabar
Day 5: B- Skillet Potatoes, Bacon & Scrambled Eggs with Pico de Gallo, S1- Banana, L- Ranch Chicken Burger with Wing Potatoes, S2- Chocolate Mocha Meal Replacement Shake, D – Chicken Fajitas, S3- Larabar
Day 6: B- Skillet Potatoes, Bacon, Scrambled Eggs with Pico De Gallo, S1- Banana, L- Ranch Chicken Burgers with Wing Potatoes, D- Chili topped Potatoes with Avocado, S2- Larabar
Day 7: B- Meal Replacement Shake, S1- Banana, L- Chicken Chili, S2- Carrots & Hummus, D- Bacon Lettuce Sliders with Avocadasie & Sweet Potatoes w/ Carrots, S3- Larabar
Day 8: B- Skillet Potatoes, Bacon, Scrambled Eggs, S1- Banana, L- Bacon Sliders with Sweet Potatoes, S2- Apple & PB, D- Sauteed Sausage and Peppers with Spicy Sweet Potatoes, S3- Larabar
Day 9: B – Skillet Potatoes, Bacon, Scrambled Eggs, S1- Banana, L- Sausage & Peppers, S2- Apple & PB, D- Pork Chops with Apples, Asparagus and Spicy Potatoes, S3- Larabar
Day 10: B- Skillet Potatoes, Bacon, Scrambled Eggs, S1- Banana, L- Pork Chops with Apples and Sweet Potatoes, S2- Apples & PB, D- Shredded Beef Tacos with Paleo Tortillas, Salsa & Avocado, S3- Larabar
Day 11: B- Meal Replacement Shake, S1- Banana, L- Shredded Beef Tacos, D- Chili Topped Potatoes w/ Avocado, S2- Larabar
Day 12: B- Meal Replacement Shake, L- Chili, S1- Banana, D- Chicken & Potatoes
Day 13: B-Meal Replacement Shakes, S1- Banana, L-Chili, S2 – Apples & PB, D – Wings, S3- Larabar
Day 14: B- Meal Replacement Shakes, S1 – Banana, L- Shredded Beef Taco Meat over Potatoes, S2- Bacon, D- Bacon Sliders w/ Sweet Potatoes, S3- Larabars
Day 15: B- Meal Replacement Shakes, S1-Banana, L- Burger Salad, D – Ranch Chicken Taco Bowls,

And this is where I stop because I'm tired of typing out our menus.

Delicious Happenings

6:08 PM

crossfit

The One Where I Talk About My Crossfit Anniversary

10:59 AM

I’m a little late on writing about this, but I’ve been waiting for it to feel right.

A little over a year ago, I went back to crossfit. There were a number of reason why I stopped going, some of them silly and some of them not, but it was the end of July that I was sitting on Instagram looking at pictures and Scott had shared a wod that he had done at his box in Texas. And, it sort of hit me like a bag of bricks that I was this perfectly healthy individual (relatively speaking) and that by not working out, I was wasting my health. This hit me especially hard because Scott was killing wods while battling brain cancer, and compared to that all of my feelings and reasons for not going to crossfit were miniscule and not important.

For a few weeks, the idea of going back just stayed in the back of my mind. I’m honestly not even sure when I finally discussed with Joseph that I think I was ready to go back. And then finally I received the push I needed to go back and it’s been a love story in the making ever since.

One big reason crossfit was so hard for me to get back into after having Emmy is because I was SO hard on myself and how weak I was, how slow I was, how behind everyone else I was. There was NO love in how I spoke to myself and considering that, it’s no real surprise that I didn’t stick to it long. So, when I went back last August, I really focused on going slow, discovering what I could do and focusing on improving from who I was the day before and not who I was pre-baby.

There are still times when I’m hard on myself. Sometimes I’m blind to how much I’ve improved, or sometimes I can only see my faults (because running is still so stupid hard for me). But, a lot of the time, when I talk to Joseph after the wod, I’m so excited to share how I did in the wod; the new PR I hit, the ways in which I’ve surprised myself, doing hanging pull ups in the wod, doing the weight RX, etc. I remember the first time I cleaned 100 pounds. I remember hitting my dead lift PR, finally doing a banded pull up, and discovering I love Kettlebell Swings. Or, days like today, when I hit a PR and, separately, hit a goal I made at the beginning of this year (95# clean and jerks in a wod, which is also the typical RX weight).

Then there are the times where Emmy does a burpee, or snatches a stick, or climbs on a wall upside down. Those moments where Emmy is so clearly emulating the things she has seen me do, the things I’ve inadvertently taught her because I made a healthier decision for myself. Those are the moments where I know that I’m not just doing something for me, but I’m doing this, so much of the time, for and because of Emmy. And those moments, when I love Joseph so much because we start our weekends together, working out; getting nasty and sweaty and having so much fun working out together.

And it wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the social aspect of Crossfit. The part that has me coming back day after day, even when the weather is crap, or I feel like crap, or even when the work out is something that I know will make me cry whether from frustration or just plain anger and that is the people. In the past year, it’s been so nice to work out with, socialize with and be motivated by some really amazing people. When it comes to having a good crossfit fam, Boiler Room has the best. And for a stay at home mom, some great socialization is really imperative. There isn’t a single person that I wouldn’t want to do a wod with, and that I don’t enjoy seeing when I’m up there.

A few weekends ago I competed in my first competition and the biggest takeaway from that day was that I could not believe, and would have never guessed, that I would have SO much fun competing in an athletic endeavor, much less one that is essentially just working out.

Crossfit has pushed me out of my comfort zones, made me a stronger and more capable person, helped me be a better person for Emmy, given me amazing confidence and helped me meet some incredible friends. Going back a year ago was one of the best decisions I could have made.

Team Scott

10:02 AM

Joseph and I drove over 30 hours this weekend to attend the memorial of our friend Scott. Since March of 2014 he had battled brain cancer, truly battled it and last Tuesday he passed away.

*Pic stolen from Facebook*

Saturday we had the distinct pleasure of working out with Hill Country Crossfit, the box Scott called home in Texas. It was a really hard work out and every time I thought it was too much (mostly during the burpees), I would just remind myself that this one workout was nothing compared to what Scott went through and I kept on. It was during the second half of the mile run at the end, when I ran into Joseph that I almost lost it. A mile, when you’re not a runner, is a lot of time to think. I think Joseph could tell something was wrong when I buried myself into his gross and sweaty shirt. It was really amazing to see how many people showed up to do “Serene” in memory of Scott.

*Pic also stolen from facebook*

The real reason we had come to Texas though, was to attend the memorial. Which was as amazing as a memorial could be. Scott was so truly loved, as evident by the words people shared about him at the memorial. The biggest take away was that Scott loved his wife, and adored his children… I’m not sure there is a better legacy to leave behind than the fact that you loved and appreciated your family. It was bittersweet and beautiful to attend and hear such wonderful sentiments. Joseph, I know, has had a hard time figuring out how to express himself with Scott’s passing and he got an opportunity to just share what Scott meant to him. But he forgot a few things, mainly being how much he appreciated that Scott was someone he could go to and they could talk about how much they loved their wives together. I know I’m biased, but, I think that is wonderful.

So…

Hours spent in car 30+
Fast food meals eaten 7
Gas Tank FIll Ups 8+
Nights in Hotel 2
Meeting John “Masshole” Massie, The HCCfit Fam and getting to see Tracy and the 4C's… Priceless

That trip was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting and neither Joseph nor I would trade it for anything. It was such a small hardship to get to honor and remember our friend.

Scott, we love you and we miss you. You were a motivator, an inspiration and a friend.

adulting

Quarter Life Crisis?

11:09 AM

I know I am a few years late on having a quarter life crisis. I assume it’s because I also graduated a few years late and so I’m facing this question of what my purpose in life is a few years late.

Since getting close to graduation, and subsequently finishing school, I’ve been asked quite a bit, “So, what are you going to do now?”

On one hand, my initial response is to reply that I AM still a stay at home mom. Emmy, although could do daycare, is not old enough for school. Additionally, I was not a stay at home mom so I could finish school. Rather, I’m a stay at home mom because I couldn’t imagine not being the one to take care of her and be with her and finishing school doesn’t change that. (Although entering toddlerhood like a lion, might. Just kidding. Maybe not. Good thing she is cute.) Plus, we are blessed with Joseph’s job to be able to afford for me to stay home with Emmy.

On the other hand though, I don’t know what I want to do. I got an English degree because I love writing and reading… And, it never hurts to know how to use there/their/they’re properly. I don’t have this drive to crush it in the corporate world. Being a manager or running a department has never mattered to me. I’ve never needed to identify myself by my job or career. I’ve never viewed my life as successful as determined by my title or bring home pay. (Not that there is anything wrong if that is important to you.)

I’ve always known I am very blessed with my marriage to Joseph. He is not one who views me as less important when making decisions because I don’t necessarily bring home money. He truly views the money he makes as *our* money. He sees real value in my being with Emmy. He saw value in me simply being a house wife even though at times that whole *cleaning* thing alludes me. Joseph has always been supportive (in more ways than one) of me doing what I want, doing what makes me happy.

Except, I don’t know what that is and I feel like there is this hole that needs to be filled. When Emmy naps, and the cleaning is all done and I’m left twiddling my thumbs, I don’t know how to fill that time and feel like I’m fulfilled. I feel like I’m floundering and that feeling starts to bleed into every avenue of my life if I’m not vigilant to keep my chin up.

So, according to my friend, Alicia, this is a quarter life crisis.

I just don’t know where I’m supposed to go from here.