I know I am a few years late on having a quarter life
crisis. I assume it’s because I also graduated a few years late and so I’m
facing this question of what my purpose in life is a few years late.
Since getting close to graduation, and subsequently
finishing school, I’ve been asked quite a bit, “So, what are you going to do
now?”
On one hand, my initial response is to reply that I AM still
a stay at home mom. Emmy, although could do daycare, is not old enough for
school. Additionally, I was not a stay at home mom so I could finish school.
Rather, I’m a stay at home mom because I couldn’t imagine not being the one to
take care of her and be with her and finishing school doesn’t change that.
(Although entering toddlerhood like a lion, might. Just kidding. Maybe not.
Good thing she is cute.) Plus, we are blessed with Joseph’s job to be able to
afford for me to stay home with Emmy.
On the other hand though, I don’t know what I want to do. I
got an English degree because I love writing and reading… And, it never hurts
to know how to use there/their/they’re properly. I don’t have this drive to
crush it in the corporate world. Being a manager or running a department has
never mattered to me. I’ve never needed to identify myself by my job or career.
I’ve never viewed my life as successful as determined by my title or bring home
pay. (Not that there is anything wrong if that is important to you.)
I’ve always known I am very blessed with my marriage to
Joseph. He is not one who views me as less important when making decisions
because I don’t necessarily bring home money. He truly views the money he makes
as *our* money. He sees real value in my being with Emmy. He saw value in me
simply being a house wife even though at times that whole *cleaning* thing
alludes me. Joseph has always been supportive (in more ways than one) of me
doing what I want, doing what makes me happy.
Except, I don’t know what that is and I feel like there is
this hole that needs to be filled. When Emmy naps, and the cleaning is all done
and I’m left twiddling my thumbs, I don’t know how to fill that time and feel
like I’m fulfilled. I feel like I’m floundering and that feeling starts to
bleed into every avenue of my life if I’m not vigilant to keep my chin up. So, according to my friend, Alicia, this is a quarter life crisis.
I just don’t know where I’m supposed to go from here.
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